Monday, October 26, 2009

ICK!





I have a low tolerance of "eeeeeeeewwwwww".  I am not a big fan of grossness, in fact, I can just about start throwing up at the thought of it.  An intolerance to slime, greasy things, blood, guts and the leftovers of what my cat has been snacking on outside.  Huge "icks", do not like it, never have and seriously doubt, ever will!  Yesterday's adventure had a huge "eeeeeeeeewwwwww"ness to it!  Wanting to cry yesterday has lead to laughs today!
My friend, Christine is starting a new job.  I volunteered to accompany her on a trip to the northern part of this island to interview a potential client.  Easy enough, gave me a real good excuse not to attend another function!  So, showered, clean clothes and even a bit of make-up on, off I went to meet my friend.  Minutes later, away we were on our little journey. 
Do-to-do-to-do, we go, chatting along and enjoying the scenery and becoming more and more disgusted by the condition of the road.  For those of you who know, it has rained recently and the pot holes and mud/yuck holes cannot be avoided.  For those of you who do not know; the road north of the cut or bridge is not paved!  The further north you go, the worse it becomes and there is no way to describe it except maybe like; "driving through hell craters on the moon?!"   Christine is doing her best to navigate these horrible, muddy pot holes filled with gross, stinky water!  Doing fairly well, until, we get stuck!  And I mean stuck!  The mud sucks in the back tires like a giant suction cup!  I begin screaming because I know I now have to step out into this water to get to dry land and may possibly have to help push this cart out!  Stepping out into this mud ickyness, my flip/flop immediately is sucked in!  The next one breaks off!  Now I have to navigate back to retrieve these!  OMG, somehow, I get them and make it to dry land!   Not knowing where we are or how close to this,  soon-to-be client's address, we realize we must go into the bush or wade through more water to get some help!  At first the bush/jungle seems okay, except we have these ridiculous flip/flops on and then we find the locals in this area have filled the bush with garbage!  To our knees of garbage!  I am so close to tears and way past my "eeeeeewwwwww" tolerance level, I have to tell myself to suck it up and do this!  I did!  Not happily and shaking with fear of what we may be stepping on or into!  We did it!  
Angels watching over these two little catholic women, we get to our destination, only to find out we were yards away from where we needed to be!  Mud dripping on our legs, dirt and slime oozing between our toes,  sweat pouring off our brows, heads and actually, everywhere, completely disheveled, we find my friend's appointment!  (Another story, but this guy could use a briefing from Emily Post or a slap from Donald Trump!  A complete ass, no common courtesy what so ever!  I doubt he will be getting any recommendations for his resort from my friend!)
After my friend's meeting, we beg for help and after about a half hour, out comes a sweet worker with keys to a Polaris vehicle, some rope and the know-how of getting us out of this mess!  Tugging, pulling and presto, somehow he gets our cart out of the mud and advises us to stay to the "left" all the way back!  Easy enough, once again, off we go!
As we approach our destination, which is a mighty fine bar-b-q restaurant, dreaming of using their hose for our feet and legs, the washroom for our hands and face, we get stuck again!  This time the front end slides in and now the back tires slip and have nothing but muck to try to grip!  The engine dies, we're about to cry, again and my girlfriend is about to blow a gasket!  Out of the cart again, this time I teetered over a wheel and hop to dry land, desperate not to touch this slimy disgusting muck!  No help in sight, wild dogs in an adjacent lot and now no cell service!  But, I see  a golf cart approaching in the distance!  Yes, it is and he is headed right for us!
I am jumping up and down and begging please help us!  This young man and his girl friend are obviously out for a Sunday afternoon drive and know how to navigate these pot holes.  He quickly takes the stick I found that had some rope attached, (I was going to use it on those dogs if I had to),  cuts the rope with the machete he has hidden in his cart, attaches one cart to the other and proceeds, with the help of his girlfriend at the wheel to push and pull us out of this mess!
Another round of "OMG's", we now give this guy the last of our money; we had paid the previous helper and had coins left to give this young man!  He seemed pleased with his bonus and continued on with his date.
When we arrive at the restaurant, our friends are waiting and the looks on their faces about says it all!  We are a freaking mess!  Taking turns to use the washroom,  relate our tale of woe, we drink a few ice cold beers and relax enough to enjoy our lunch, the company and view of the sea!
My friend said she could see a blog coming and all I could think of was a shower in clorox and a tetanus shot!  Thanks for the laughs Christine, but really, eeeeeewwwwww!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...






The expression, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," pretty much sums up last weekend!  How many times have I said that to myself after reading an article or watching the news?  Or,  going to lunch with a girlfriend and listening to the antics of an ex-husband/boyfriend.  My own ex-husband used this quote when wondering where my rage was coming from during our divorce!  (Damn him and he wondered about this?  What a narcissistic asshole!)
This past weekend, I had the pleasure of meeting girlfriends of one of my girlfriends here on the island.  These women traveled here from Louisiana and Texas to spend 5 days enjoying the caribbean sunshine.  Within minutes of meeting, I was invited to attend a voodoo ceremony to "roast" an ex-husband getting remarried in a few days!  (I am always looking for entertainment, so I immediately said, "sure, and in fact, I'll make the doll!"  I have boxes of art supplies, fabrics and the like to keep me from losing my mind to boredom).  This simple, introductory conversation led to a weekend of laughter, music and a sense of, "getting back at someone that hurt or wronged someone else".
Well, being the sewing nut that I am, I began a mental check list of needs;  my mind going a mile a minute at all the "extras" to add,  to make each doll unique.  My experience in this "craft" is minimal, but I had made one doll once,  truly for big laughs and to release some anger another person had caused.  I am a frustrated artist and truly enjoy creating things.  My mind reeling with where to begin:  the sewing, gluing and designing little people that later would be subjected to all sorts of mayhem.  My girlfriend had music downloaded about the famous voodoo queen of New Orleans, another friend had gone online to find out specifics of the actual ceremony and requirements!
Once the date, time and place were set,  I went home that evening and set out my supplies to begin filling the orders for the next day.  At sunrise, I took the dogs for a quick walk, made my pot of coffee and began sewing  little dolls,  soon to be tortured!  By mid day, I took my small shopping bag of dolls, pins, extra fabric and thread to my girlfriend's condo.  Upon arrival, the wooting and laughter began!  Plans of what to do first were discussed.  Out to the beach we paraded, music blasting, beating a coconut, (we did not have a drum, a prop that is required!), dragging our "dolls" through the sand and pinning them to a coconut tree, the ceremony began!  Rum and corn meal scattered, music playing, coconut drum, now taken away by the condo association's dog who loves to chew on them, we stumbled on our own guffaws.  Apparently, real voodoos, throw themselves to the ground!  Well, we about fell over laughing!  Does that count?  The condo painters stared and joined in on the laughter, I am sure,  praying they were not one of our subjects!  Exhausting ourselves on this, we retreated back inside, poured a cocktail and headed out to the dock to watch the sea.
As the sun began to set, I decided my day was done and headed back home to my dogs and college football scores.  Before going to bed, I downloaded my pictures and posted some more thoughts about the day on "facebook".  What amazed me more than the actual antics and comedy of the day, were the responses I had from my "facebook" friends!  Wow, now the real entertainment!
Most of the "facebook" posts were from our friends being entertained by our activities.  My husband did call and ask if there was a doll for him, as he had a sudden stomach ache!  Of course not, I adore him and he causes his own angst!  LOL!    Amazing were the responses tittering on worries and lectures about fooling with such elements!  Piss haw ya'll, WE WERE HAVING A LITTLE FUN!!  That is all!  If it were this easy, people would dropping like flies all around us!  Are you kidding me?!  Or, could this be the conspiracy behind the swine flu?   Doodoodoodoo!!
Apparently, there are a whole group of worry-wort's out there, and thank you for your concerns, but no thanks!  There are far bigger things to worry about out there folks!  Thank you to those of you out there who enjoy a laugh or two and I will be filling your orders as quickly as possible!  A new business?  Maybe?  If nothing else, it entertains me and beats the crap out of other things to do on this island!  OMG, if it would have been this easy to cause my own ex-husband some pain, imagine the legal fees I would have saved!  I could have walked over to my friendly neighborhood voodoo doll maker and asked for:  "1, short, bald and jewish doll please!"  Lord, I could have been getting back at my louse of a neighbor a year ago!  Think about all the wrongs that could have been made right by the simple purchase of a voodoo doll and a sprinkle of cornmeal!  People, people, lighten up and do not take things so seriously!  It is a good thing to release some stress and anger!  And, it is fun!  My face hurt from the laughing!
So, back to  William Congreve; thank you for putting it so eloquently, as truly, " Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"  and to Marie Lavauex,  you are the queen!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Tropical Wave






We have a "tropical wave" approaching the area.  I enjoy the changes in weather; they are not what this ex-Chicago housewife is used to!  Changes in weather up north are not subtle;  the trees lose their leaves in the fall.  Rain, ice and snow means winter. Trees regain their leaves in the spring and it is horribly hot and humid in the summer.  In Belize, it's hot, breezy and sunny most everyday!  In fact, I have trouble keeping track of the days, weeks and months.  They are so similar and unchanging, I remember the days, weeks and month, by when guests visit or  when I go back to the states!  Belize is hotter in the summer months and unfortunately, more humid, (this is Central America and rain forests are near by).   In the winter months, we do wear long sleeves, at night.  It remains in the 80's most everyday, cold for us is 60 degrees!  (And trust me, the residents are wearing  jackets, hats and gloves!)
So, back to the, "tropical wave".  Exciting and potentially scary; I explained it like this to Steve when he called,  "If we had "Tarboggin", a sailboat we owned years ago on Lake Michigan, "we could have sailed to Caye Caulker and back a couple times this morning!"  "Wow," says he, "that's great!"  Yes, it is.  I have turned the air conditioning off, the windows are open, no bugs biting me to bits and it is even breezy inside!  The dogs are enjoying this break too!  
The first time I heard the weather term "tropical wave," was from one of my dear neighbors.  A group of us were meeting up for lunch.  She cancelled the day before, due to the approaching "tropical wave".  Perplexed, I did not understand.  I thought "tropical wave" sounded "nice"!  A sort-of parade wave or winds that took the bugs away and nothing more.  Now, I have learned, "tropical wave" means; rain, potential tropical storm development, and possibly, a hurricane.  More than likely, they come and move out of the area, bringing the rain, the wind and some change to the weather.  Looking outside now, it's hard to imagine this "wave" could bring anything nasty!  The sky is brilliant blue, the seas are choppy but the reef prevents the waves from getting too large, the sun is shining and this wind is so refreshing, I am savoring this moment!
For the next couple days, I will keep the National Hurricane and Tropical Underground websites minimized, as well as my own eyes to the sea and sky.  Dock time today?  You betcha!  (God I dislike that bimbo!  LOL!)  Anyway, enjoy your day and stay safe!  d :)

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Group therapy




I was on "facebook" this morning and thought about writing or adding to this blog!  Funny that I have this urge, completely unexpected.  (Thank you Lauren for getting me started!)  The dogs had me up at dawn,  being here alone, I do turn in really early.  Pippi has taken my spot on the bed, Pickle is now under the blankets and Toby enjoys his own big bed on the floor.  They are so content, the doggie snoring and cuddling is very sweet.  Pippi, being the toddler of the group, is awake first and literally jumps on the  bed to get me going!  So, after our walk and a pot of coffee made, here I sit, at my laptop,  laughing over "facebook".  A true addict I have become and loving these moments!
I have a few new "friends",  so I have suggested  pictures for them to place in their profile space.  Another friend asked me what, "WDV" meant.  (This is when I felt the need to blog!)   LOL! and OMG!  Of course, I know this is only funny to me, as life on the island lately is, "hum drum"!  It is slow season, not so many tourists, businesses closed for vacations and the rumors/gossip is, "not so much!"  To stay busy and entertained, I began going through photos to post on "facebook".
"WDV",  an acronym, "Wine de Vine".  A small group has formed at this shop on Friday nights and I have to admit, it is a group I look forward to seeing and a spot that is unlike anywhere else on the island!  It is cooly air conditioned, the staff;  accommodating, attentive and delightful, the wine selection is wonderful and their cheeses and pates remind one of trips to europe or at least, a very good deli back in the states.  This small establishment has become a sanctuary of sorts, a place to gather without second hand smoke to inhale, a place where we all know each other's name and welcome new members.  The group is the, "wine group" and the group is my idea of "group therapy"!  LOL! again!  
The group has discussed many topics and has solved many world crisis's !  Anything is up for grabs and we do not shy away from the normal taboo topics of social conversation!  
What better way to get a group all stirred up than to begin a debate about religion,  politics or favorite football team?  We have a healthy mix of the reds, the blues, and a few brits!  I love it and would not trade going anywhere else on Friday nights!
The group is thin these days, due to members being,  "off island"  for various reasons.  But, not to worry WDV, we will rally to larger numbers very soon!  In the meantime, the members here are continuing to enjoy the reds, the whites, the imported cheeses and the SALE!!  Cheers to those of you unable to attend, minutes to follow later!  (NSM!)
d  :)